iF yoU dOn't LiVe for sOmethIng...

i wish people cared
and i wish i cared that they don't
:(

i need to give up.

hello!
so i haven't updated in a while and Tracy wants me to since we hardly talk anymore :(
Here is my update!

job = ok. I wish i was making more money but I at least I'm making something!
I have been car shopping since my mother is taking her car off the road around Nov and since I obtained her car I am giving it back. I think I am going to get the Honda fit. I went out yesterday with my parents so we could test drive but there were none on the lots because of cash for clunkers, so maybe we'll go again next weekend or something. I just want to drive it to make sure I still want it.

I also got a new cell phone yesterday since mine was broken and it was either spend $50 for the same refurbished phone or upgrade for 79.99. I took my mothers upgrade and got an ENV-3 which is kind of similar to the phone I had since it still opens for a full keypad but its not a touch phone which I was sick of anyways! I just still to buy a hard plastic case for it since I drop phones a lot..

Tomorrow I am starting south beach because I am incredibly sick of myself. My parents are doing it too so I went grocery shopping today with my mom and we bought food for this week. We prepped some stuff today and made dinner which is out last "horrah!" I almost don't care because I am so disgusted.
I just want to be healthy! I have been so depressed for the past couple weeks and its been horrible.

things with the boyfriend are good =] we still don't see each other very often which sucks and makes things incredibly hard, but it's ok. He's moving next weekend at least back to Manchester so it's like 15 mins closer, but still 35mins away. I just wish our work schedules weren't opposite!! I get to do his room :) I think Ivonne might help! I'll have to see if she wants to come to his house sat and help me. He has to work at 6 and close so I wouldn't stay the night anyways and after he leaves is when we can really go nuts and run to the store and get a comforter and carpet and stuff =]

hmm let's see...
umm i feel like a wicked loner lately. i hardly go out anymore and when I do I am way more mellow than I used to. I need to start doing fun things! Any takers??!!

woo today i am 22 years old!!
i started my new job 1.5 weeks ago and it's going good, i'm getting a lot of praise so that's nice =]

i just wanted to post really quickly while i am waiting for my mom to get home so we can go out to dinner for my bday =]

soo that's it! byee

OMG!! MOTHER EFFER!!! I just wrote a wicked intensely long entry and then hit a wrong button and lost the whole fucking thing!!
I'm tempted to re-write it but idk, too lazy
let's see i wrote about my amazing weekend and my nutritionist appt and how i don't want to be fat anymore and I wrote about how sucky my job has been
and yah, that's pretty much it!!

i gotta go make a grocery/meal list for tomorrow when I go shopping !! =]

Hey!
So I am officially a college graduate! WAHOO! :)
I have like 3.5 more weeks at Trane and they haven't started that well, but that's ok. I have a feeling that I will be pretty stressed out there until I leave because I feel like I have a lot of pressure to get so much done before I leave for Tara and Tracey even though I really shouldn't.
Tara is trying to get me more hours before I leave, so this week I had yesterday off and I am working the rest of the week, next week I am working wed-fri and then I am working all week the last two weeks there, at least that way I will still have decent paychecks coming in.
Hopefully I won't have to go a week without money since TOG is biweekly. oh well.

Hmm, so  I really want to start working out but I lack the motivation wicked bad and I don't know how to get it. I hope by working a steady schedule that will get me into a set work out schedule and a diet, that would be AMAZING
if i could afford it, i'd join a gym

driving in a trans am, does a mullet make a man!? OMG i've forgotten how much i love this song!! :) (see music to see what it is if you couldn't get it from that lyric)

hmmm, so i'm waiting for an episode of iCarly to d/l so I can watch that and then maybe I will start angels and demons later. i need some more books to get into i might look on amazon too to see what I can get for cheap. I seriously LOVE reading, it puts me at so much peace. I love romance stories though, they're the best :)
or like suspense/thrillers =]

ah crap, i gotta order mary kay stuff too. eek, money sucks!! i need too much!

ok, i'm done for the night!

adios<3

sooooo!
I graudate tomorrow!
I accepted my job offer yesterday, i start June 15 as a claim representative at the Outsource Group
sooo for about a month I don't need to be stressed out about finding a job
the only thing I will be stressed about is $$ but Tara is going to try to get me some extra hours since I need to train her and Tracey before I leave in a month! eek! :)
I'll miss almost everyone there, but  I need this, I had no room to grow there and it was time for a change.

anywayssss, I have to go hop in the shower and get ready for grad. practice and Ivonne's party today, so I am cutting this entry very short!
byee<3

It's so nice to be able to sit and relax and really not have to worry about getting homework done and or readings done for class.
the only thing I have to really concentrate on now is finding a new job. Right now I'm just sitting in my bed on my laptop since it actually works now since it was re-imaged and taken off the Merrimack domain, and I'm browsing the internet and relaxing until I go to a cookout tonight!

I had an interview on Wednesday that went incredibly well, but I haven't heard from them. They did tell me though that they would be interviewing for another week or so and that he did want to bring me in some time next week, so we'll see. If I don't get it, it's okay, I gained interviewing experience. I bought 2 thank you cards for the two people that interviewed me that I am going to write notes and mail them off on Monday.
It'd be nice to be able to find a job really soon since I won't be making much money at trane and at the rate I spend that's really bad!! I just had to buy a new battery and home charger for my phone because they both shit the bed. The battery was dying wicked fast and my charger stopped working randomly...that always happens to me!!grr that cost like $53 it would have been more if I didn't have a discount there. i hate money some times but I love spending it way too much than I should...eek!!

So I really want to join a gym, I just need to find one that's nearby and cheap. I have to go back to the doc's in 2 weeks to get another blood test to make sure that the medicine I went on for being fat is working, but I think it's fucking with my birth control because I haven't been feeling too great lately.  Something happened on Thursday that made me cry because of how it is making me feel and I need to investigate and make sure if it is due to that and if it is I am going off the gem. and staying on the pill since that's the only way I actually get my period.
There are just many things that I need to cut out of my diet, but I've had no motivation lately. I did for a very brief period of time., but that faded. Maybe once I get settled at a new job I will again!!

ok, well I'm good for now. I hadn't updated in a while so I just wanted to take a few minutes and do that!
I am now going to find something else to do! :)
ciao

1. Comment this and I will give you three people.
2. Post this meme with your answers.
3. Provide pictures and the names of three people.
4. Label which you would shag, marry, and throw off a cliff.

Tracy gave me:
Robert Pattinson
Anders Fridén
Cam Gigandet


I would shag Cam Gigandet

I would  marry Anders Fridén


I would throw Robert Pattinson off a cliff. But much like Tracy, I'd like to shag him first!

wow.
the past 5 days have been absolutely amazing.
i am so upset that I am all alone right now after being around Chris since Saturday night.
I got a hotel room in Portsmouth for mon and tuesday night and stayed at Chris's sat and sun night.
i miss him so much. i feel so out of it and bored right now. idk what to do with myself.
i need to be with him right now :(
ok well, i can't keep myself focused on one thing very long, so I am going to end this.

byee<3

life sucks most of the time, huh?
i thought i was beginning to see its beauty, but guess not!

hello!!
so i went to the walk in clinic at Pentucket Medical yesterday because i basically completely lost my voice and I wanted to figure out what was wrong with me
the doctor said she thinks I have the flu and gave me a prescription for an antibiotic which i was told if it doesn't go away in 2-3 to take it. well boo on that. i picked up the prescription today and started it, tho it made me wicked nauseous. i hope it helps it giving me my voice back. i feel fine so when i open my mouth to talk it's surprising that nothing but faded words comes out. i couldn't even confirm my address at the pharmacy, or say my last name yesterday while checking in at the docs.
i have to admit tho, being able to sit at home all day and watch tv and such is exactly what i needed.
i wish i was getting more homework done, but i don't have the attention span. i finished my history assignment that is due tuesday, yesterday. I also have to read 130 pages of Dracula by wednesday. I've read like 4 yesterday. i just want to get all of that done so i can finish the sisterhood books, then blood and chocolate. and then probably buy the silver kiss. then maybe the blood ties series, or re-read twilight by the time New Moon the movie comes out in Nov.

newhooo. so im wicked lazy today. i don't get to talk to chris like at all since i can only whisper and he can't hear me :( i sound like i've been smoking for 85 years and i'm only 21...

so apparently it's supposed to snow until tuesday. i really hope that class is cancelled and work is closed tomorrow that way i have more time to read and maybe start studying for my history test!

Far away
This ship is taking me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die

Starlight
I will be chasing the starlight
Until the end of my life
I don't know if it's worth it anymore

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold
You in my arms

My life
You electrify my life
Let's conspire to re-ignite
All the souls that would die just to feel alive

But I'll never let you go
If you promised not to fade away
Never fade away

Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold
You in my arms

Far away
This ship is taking me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die

And I'll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away

Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold
You in my arms
I just wanted to hold

So even thought I didn't go to class on Tuesday, I am still not going today.
I luckily have the day off of going to work for 2 hours because I am going to a career fair at school tonight, so I decided I am going to stay home until like 3 or 3:30 or finish either reading Dracula and starting my paper that is due tomorrow, or just read Dracula, or just start my paper. I honestly really need to relax so whether it's now or later today it needs to happen. I have stressed myself out and been sleep deprived that I have made myself sick!
at least tomorrow is friday and I only have one class. I have a quiz on Dracula and that paper due, but I should be fine. I really don't know why i get stressed so bad. I know things always work out.
then next week I have an assignment due on Tuesday and a midterm for History on Thursday.
I have auditing hw due tuesday too I believe.
I am going out with Ivonne tomorrow DOOD--do you want to go to the Rainforest Cafe for dinner? We can put our names in and then walk around the mall!! then maybe see a movie later because I believe there is a theater is town as well!
Saturday I might go get a massage, then shop for clothes with my mom, if she still wants to. Then i might stay in that night and do homework.
Then Sunday I am wicked excited because I am going out to lunch with Lefty! woO! i haven't seen her for a whiiiilleee. so that should be fun. Then I'll probably come home to do more hw.
I also have to pick up a baby shower gift. Man I'll be spending a lot of money this weekend lol
i'm really bad. I've been wanting to buy so much stuff it's crazy. I'm tempted to get singstar since I have the Ps2 in my room due to my DVD player shitting the bed. <-- i need a new one of those! eek.

so yeah. I'm d/ling zack and miri right now So hopefully that'll be ready for me later so I can watch it. I heard it was pretty decent!

ok, well i'm gonna go and make my bed and pick up my room a little so i can do homework..i'm weird like that.

blahblahblahramblerambleramble. i feel bad for my friends that read this..lol =]

i hate the fact that sometimes i need to skip a class because i don't have enough time to get everything done. i went to history today but then i came home did the dishes, picked up the kitchen, read some Dracula, ate lunch, and now i'm finishing up an episode of Gilmore Girls before i read some more of Dracula because I just finished the first chapter and I have to read the first 10 chapters by Friday, I am going to try to get at least 4 read tonight. So i am going to stay home until I go into work and read...yuck.

So i put my resume up on Monster and I've already gotten two e-mails and a phone call (i took my number off of the resume because I don't want people from online calling me, i'd rather they e-mail me.)
That's probably bad, but I don't care.

Well, I hate to cut this entry short but the episode I was finishing up is over, which means TIME TO READ! YAYY
NOT!

can you guess what i'm doing right now!?
i'm watching gilmore girls! i'm addicted.

so today wasn't too bad. i had 2 classes, i got to come home between them, then went to work and got kind of crappy news.
i really need to start looking for a job so i'm not stuck come may. that would be very bad.
im just not sure what i want to do yet. AP and payroll would be nice, and somewhere close because if i am going to be moving to salem i don't want to have a horrible commute and get stuck in rush hour for foreverrrr

well i'm glad i finished my hw, all i had to do was read a little bit for english. so i think i am going to watch one more episode of gg so i can finish the disc i am on, then read.
i ordered 4 books from amazon, but i have to finish the one i am reading now so i can start them and I have like 80 pages left, so i need to work on that.
i have been incredibly into reading lately, it's good. i used to be wicked picky but now i am very open to people's suggestions and rearing to go!!
and to think, it all started with the twilight saga!
which reminds me, i pre-ordered the DVD from borders yesterday and even thought it comes out March 21, i might not get it until april 13, sad. i can wait, or dl it hahah

torrent = love.

i'm pumped that tomorrow is friday! hopefully it'll be a good weekend and hopefully i get to sleep. i've been incredibly tired and not myself lately. i feel like numb almost. it's very strange.


okay, well, back to gilmore girls

byee<3

Hello!
Time for a decent-ish entry. I just finished my auditing homework and am just sitting here watching Gilmore Girls before I start to read.
So today was ok. It started ok. I woke up earlier than I usually do, so I got to get ready slower than usual. I went to class, that went by really fast. Then i went to work. At first it was incredibly slow. I had an e-mail from dad with pictures of a deer hoof under the snow in our front yard. very interesting. So all day I was wondering if there was a dead deer in our front yard. I came home to find out it just a leg. Poor deer. There's either one with only three legs, or we'll find the rest of him somewhere else...
Anywhoooo...work got incredibly busy today. I was so flustered and couldn't concentrate because on top of being busy i was all periody and felt like ass. I ended up leaving like 1.5 hours early. Thank god my boss is AWESOME!. So i came home, had a late lunch and started watching gilmore girls. Yeah i know, i've been watching gilmore girls for about 4 hours now..

and now i'm here, updating this and relaxing.

well..i'm wicked excited to be done with college in may. graduation is may 17th! WAHOO!! I still feel way too young to be graduating, it's weird. I'm not sure how life after college is going to be. Whether or not I am going to stay at Trane, or go somewhere else. I guess it all decides on whether or not I can stay at Trane.(offered of course)
All i know is, wherever I am , i need to move out, and soon. A year or so from now I hope to have my parents paid off and be on my own! soooo exciting! It's been a dream of mine for a wicked long time now. I just can't wait to re-decorate and have my own place to take care of.

hmm, what else can i ramble about since this entry is incredibly sloppy.
OH!
I'm looking forward to this weekend. I get to spend basically the whole thing with Chris. I stayed over last Saturday, but I've never stayed over his house for two nights, it should be fun, but tiring since I have trouble sleeping there.

So any one want to give me a good diet and exercise plan? I think I seriously need someone to hold my hand. I want to lose like 40 pounds but I can't seem to get on track with it. As soon as the weather is nice I want to start walking again. I got the wii fit for xmas and I have DDR, we also had a treadmill here, i really have no excuse except for the fact that I have no will power and enjoy lounging around and eating too much. so for that little time of being happy, i end up depressed and feeling of disgust. It's a really bad cycle i've been on.
I was hoping to lose like 15lbs before graduation, so we'll see. It's still def. do-able. I just need to get my ars in gear!

OK, i'm done for now. I promised a long entry and here it is. I hope you can keep up with my scatter brain!

byeee<3

hello!
it's been an incredibly long time since i've made an entry, but Ivonne made me want to use it again, so here I am! :)

i don't have much time now to write an entry, but i promise i will write a decently long entry at some point this week!
maybe i'll even have time to change my layout! woo =]

ok, time for homework, or leisure reading, I haven't decided.

byee<3

heey!! i'm bored so i'm going to post an entry. i should be writing my ethics paper that's due thursday but i still haven't started it! oh well. i'll be able to get it done. ill just try to get all the research today and write it tomorrow after work and my advisement meeting because I FINALLY DECLARED MY CONCENTRATION! wooo i'm officially an accounting major! that's exciting. i just really hope it's not that hard and i don't have weist again. ill kill him and his monotoness haha.

i've been falling on my diet lately and it really sucks. i'm getting back on it tho. i did good yesterday and so far so good today! im thinking about going for a walk but im super lazy and tired. soo whoo knows! i hope i can lose almost 10 more lbs before i go to NY or at least before i go camping at the end of may. 10 more in almost two months should be ok as long as i don't fall off the diet again. i wanna lose like almost 40 more lbs total. i think i can go it! it's a lot, but really not. i mean of course i'll see how i look and feel cuz its not always about the weight. i'd be wicked happy at like 130 or 140lbs. but it all depends if life wants to be nice to me. then maybe i can find a nice boy hahahah yah doubt that.

my law class got cancelled today! which is nice cuz that class is SO incredibly boring. so i have nothing to do the rest of the day except work on my paper of course. i'm pissed cuz in micro today i missed the hw because usually he doesnt assign anything due after a quiz but i guess since we didnt have class on thursday he bumped things up. so i missed it because i didnt even bother to look. way to go and assume idiot. grrr. u know what they say about people who assume :) hehehe

but yeah. i'm just sitting on the computer myspacing. i kinda feel like watching a movie. but idk what movie. we have 300 which is pretty effin sweet because that movie was fantastic! i love decapitation!! haha ok well this is a pretty decent entry so im going to end this and continue to listen to music and find something to do. have a great day :)

- i don't just see blue. i choose to -

hey people that read this even though that's hardly anyone! I haven't updated this in a wicked long time so i figured why the hell not

not much has been going on. im sticking to a diet...or at least trying to. and so far i've lost about 15 lbs in 2 months! sooo yeah we'll see wehre this takes me. i already feel a lot better and am gaining more confidence.

i'm almost done with my second year at merrimack. yayy halfway done! then i'll be getting thrown into the real world!

oh damn now that i sit here to write this i duno what to write! gahhh


i'll have to update more. just not today.

bye all<3